Post by Kim Gibbs

I’ve already discussed the first 2 challenges we face  in getting rid of guilt – not knowing we’re supposed to get rid of it, and not knowing how to get rid of it.  In this blog I’ll discuss the third challenge we face: feeling guilty when we haven’t done anything wrong.

It’s amazing how often we feel guilty when we shouldn’t.  These are times when we haven’t broken a commandment or hurt anybody’s feelings or violated our personal code of ethics, yet for some reason, we still feel bad. 

Something inside of us says that we shouldn’t have done what we just did even though there’s no evidence of wrong-doing.  Maybe we were late getting dinner ready or got a flat tire on the way home from work.  There’s nothing wrong with either of these things happening, but they make us feel guilty just the same. 

This is called false guilt.  This type of guilt is something we impose on ourselves.  It’s self-inflicted, unhealthy and totally undeserved.  It’s also rampant among women.  The good news about false guilt is that if we examine it logically, we should be able to reason it away.  ”Dinner was late because I got stuck in traffic.”   ”I never even saw the nail I ran over.”

With false guilt, it’s not unusual for us to exaggerate what we think we did wrong and make it much worse than it actually was.   “If I was more organized, I would have made it home in time to start dinner.”  “If I was a better driver, I would never have run over that nail.”  These are the kinds of useless, negative thoughts that make us feel even worse.

So if we pause and peel back these layers of exaggeration and take a realistic look at what we did, we’ll see that we didn’t cross any line after all and can release the guilt.

 The first question we need to ask ourselves when we feel guilty about something is, “Is this true guilt or false guilt?”  Then try to find any evidence of actual wrong doing.  If there isn’t any, then use reasoning to let the feelings of guilt go. 

This is such a huge problem among women that I’ll be spending some time in future blogs giving you examples of false guilt and the reasoning you can use to let it go.

Post by Kim Gibbs

The first challenge many of us have regarding guilt is that we don’t  know we’re supposed to get rid of it.  The second challenge is:  We don’t know how to get rid of guilt.  

There are so many women who really do want to get rid of  guilt but can’t because they honestly don’t know where to begin.  They don’t know how to properly start the process, what steps to take, and how to continually manage their guilt.  

Others have taken steps that they thought would help them overcome guilt only to have that feeling resurface and drag them down again and again. These people make an honest effort, just not the right one that will work over the long haul. 

If that describes you, then keep visiting this blog.  Bit by bit, I’ll expose the reality of guilt and how to overcome it.  The better you understand what guilt is and what it isn’t , the easier it will be for you to beat it.   This is the message I present when I speak professionally.

Post by Kim Gibbs

I am constantly talking to women about guilt and have discovered three major challenges or misconceptions that many of us have regarding it.  In this post I’ll talk about the first challenge:

1 – Most of us are unaware that we should get rid of guilt.

Many of us assume that once we feel guilt, it’ll become a permanent pain in our hearts. In essence, we invite it to stay and make itself comfortable. We mistakenly see guilt as a life-long punishment that we have to endure as a consequence of our wrong-doing. The sad part of that mistaken belief is that we suffer from guilt far longer than we should.

To break free of that misconception, we need to start using guilt as it was meant to be used – as a signal, not a life sentence. Once we recognize the signal, we should change our behavior and take the proper steps to leave the guilt behind. In her book, “The Gift of Guilt”, Shannon Miller confirms this when she says that guilt is “meant to be short-lived.”

Sadly enough, I have also found far too many women who feel guilty because they don’t think they deserve any better. They think that their wrongs are too terrible to be forgiven and they should be punished for the rest of their lives.  Or that they’re worthless individuals and shouldn’t  feel any joy.   

I’m surprised at the number of women with a significant other – husband, parent or grown child –  who always makes them feel bad. This other person continually drums into their heads that they’re a bad mother, a terrible wife, and a worthless human being.  These unfortunate women believe what they’re constantly being told and they always feel guilty.  

If you’re one of these women, then you need to read this:  I don’t care what you’ve done, I don’t care how many times you’ve done it, I don’t care what awful things others are telling you – you deserve to live guilt-free.  You deserve to to have a clear conscience.  You deserve to feel the joy and happiness you were meant to feel.  If you don’t get anything else out of what I write, I want you to get this.  For the sake of your own happiness.