Post by Kim Gibbs

As I discussed in my last post, the first step in overcoming guilt is to acknowledge what you’ve done wrong and be accountable for it.  The rest of the steps won’t work unless you’ve honestly admitted to your wrong-doing. 

As you can imagine, confessing to a mistake is usually painful because it’s embarrassing.  Running through it in your head or confessing it out loud makes you feel ashamed.  But shame isn’t the feeling you want at this point.  So step number two is to:

Turn your shame into sorrow

Shame is a negative feeling that makes you want to cover up your wrong-doing.  It compels you to hide it so others won’t find out and be mad or disgusted with you. When you feel ashamed you say things like, “I am so worthless,” and “How could I have done such a thing? “  Shame doesn’t allow you to deal with your actions so you can move on.  As a result, the guilt stays and continues to fester.

So it’s important to turn your shame into sorrow.  Sorrow isn’t a negative feeling like shame.  Its focus is positive.  When you feel sorry, you’re motivated to find a way to move forward and past your wrong-doing.  Sorrow allows you to make healthy changes, to look forward to better feelings and a better future.  Sorrow may be painful, but it opens the door to healing.  

It’s OK to feel sorrow after you’ve done something wrong; it shows you have a conscience and want to do the right thing.  When you feel sorrow, you ask questions like, “How do I fix this and move on?”  “What have I learned from this so I won’t do it again?”  With sorrow, you can see a light at the end of the tunnel of pain and regret.

Be very conscientious about how you feel during this step.  If you feel like hiding your actions and wallowing in self pity, then you’re feeling shame.  Rather than saying, “I’ve made a mistake and I’m worthless,” try saying, “I’ve made a mistake and I’m sorry.  Now what can I do to make this right?”  That’s sorrow talking and it will lead you to adjust your actions, make better decisions and move forward, leaving your guilt behind.

Post by Kim Gibbs

How to Overcome Guilt and Leave it in the Dust – Step 1

Guilt was meant to be a signal, not a life sentence.  You aren’t meant to suffer from guilt your entire life.  Unfortunately, there are way too many people out there who feel guilty far longer than they should.   

In my next several blogs, I’ll lay out the steps that will help you overcome guilt and leave it in the dust.  These steps worked for me and I’m excited to share them with you.

Step 1   Acknowledge what you did wrong.

If you’re serious about overcoming guilt, you can’t just suppress it, weasel your way around it, or jump over it.  You must work directly through it.

So the very first step in healing is to face what it is you’ve done wrong.  Don’t deny it or blame someone else.  Admit your wrong-doing to yourself and to your God or higher power.  Bring it out of the darkness and into the light.  I like to confess out loud to increase my focus and commitment to this step. 

Don’t be tempted to keep the worst of what you’ve done hidden; honestly confess all of it – your thoughts, feelings and actions – or the guilt will come back later, bigger and badder than ever. 

Guilt is like a painful infection just under the skin.  The first step in treating it is to peel back the skin and expose the infection. Then you can effectively get rid of it.  Overcoming guilt works the same way.  First uncover the cause of the pain, and then you can take the proper steps to cleanse it.

Oscar Wilde once said, “It is the confession, not the priest that gives us absolution.”  In other words, acknowledging your wrong-doing and being accountable for it puts you on the right path for getting rid of guilt.  The rest of the steps will be futile if you don’t start by owning up to your mistake.  

I won’t kid you; this step is usually painful, just like poking around an infection is painful.  But rather than avoiding this step because it adds to your pain, see it as a purging that will relieve it.  And know that the discomfort of this step, just like the pain of guilt, is meant to be short-lived.