Kim Gibbs: The Guilt Guide

2/18/10

Post by Kim Gibbs

One thing many women don’t understand about guilt is that it is a choice.  When guilt sets in, we have the choice of either dealing with it and moving on, or of living with it. 

We should feel guilty when we do something wrong, but that doesn’t mean that the guilt is there to stay for the rest of our lives.  We’re not suddenly helpless and unable to do anything about it.  Guilt isn’t a permanent chain that gets draped around our neck and now we’re stuck with it.  We always have a choice about what we’re going to do with that guilt.

If we decide to work through the guilt then we need to be willing to go through the cleansing steps that are necessary.  We have to face our shameful or humiliating actions in order to purge ourselves and leave that behavior behind.  Uh oh, that doesn’t sound like any fun.  But as difficult as it might be, it’s still the better choice because that’s the only path that will get rid of the pain. 

What if it feels like we have no choice about feeling guilty because someone else is constantly laying that chain around our necks?  Remember that no one can make us feel guilty without our permission.  No one can lay guilt on us unless we let them.  We can choose to accept that guilt, or refuse it and stay out from under it’s weight.  Refusing to feel guilty takes some effort but is well worth it in the long run.

2/12/10

Post by Kim Gibbs

The more we know about the monster we’re  up against, the better chance we have of overcoming it.  So what is guilt? 

Guilt is that pang we feel when we do something we know we shouldn’t like not putting fruit in our kid’s lunch, or stuffing our exercise ball in the back of the closet.   It’s the agony we feel after betraying a spouse, or crushing a child’s self-esteem.  

But truth be known, guilt is really a good thing.  It tells us when we’ve done something wrong.  Guilt is the feeling we get when we break a commandment, a law, an ethical code, or personal standard that we live by.

The feeling of guilt is a signal, warning  us that we’re off track and headed in the wrong direction.  It’s like the rumble strip along the side of the highway that tells us we’ve driven too far out of our lane and need to make a correction fast or things will get worse.

Feeling guilty proves that we have a conscience and are concerned about doing the right thing and having healthy relationships with other people.  It shows that we really don’t want to hurt others, the dog, or ourselves in any way.  It’s the people who don’t feel guilt that we need to worry about and hide the dogs from.  

The purpose of guilt is to make us feel so uncomfortable and so uneasy about what we’ve done that we won’t do it again.  In other words, it tries to make everybody be nice.  When the pain of guilt is deep enough, we become motivated to stop what we’re doing and change our behavior for the better.

Making these changes will put us back on the right track and keep us moving in a healthy, positive direction.