Kim Gibbs: The Guilt Guide

Posts Tagged ‘guilt free’

Victoria Cook

05/20/10

Post by Kim Gibbs

When we as women set goals for ourselves and work to move ahead in life, we can’t seem to do it without feeling guilty about something.  Today’s interview is with Victoria Cook, a Guilt Free Results Expert, Speaker and Coach.  She has some great ideas for you on how to get rid of that nagging guilt.

Tell me briefly about your Guilt-Free R.E.S.U.L.T.S.™ System:

There are loads of books and seminars on accomplishing goals.  I’ve read many of them.  By combining the strategies I’ve learned from private study and my corporate background with coaching, I was able to accomplish many of my own BIG goals, including starting a successful coaching business.  But after the birth of my son in December of 2005, a whole new challenge emerged. 

I fell completely in love with my son and motherhood; so much more than I ever could have expected.  I soon found myself feeling a little guilty when I took time away from him and the family for business.  And when I spent time with my family, I found myself feeling guilty and stressed about all the work still sitting in my inbox.  It quickly became clear that great results weren’t enough if I felt stressed, overwhelmed, and guilty in the process.

I noticed I wasn’t the only one struggling to achieve some big goals AND maintain harmony at home.  Other professional women I met while speaking or networking expressed similar challenges.  They were taking care of everyone else at the expense of themselves.  They had BIG goals they struggled to achieve.  As a result, they didn’t feel they could justify the time they spent on themselves or their professional aspirations without struggle and guilt.  I began successfully working with professional women who also wanted guilt-free results.

While every client is unique and brings her own challenges and agenda to our work together, the framework was the same. My Guilt-Free R.E.S.U.L.T.S.™ System includes:

1.  Reset Your Priorities

2.  Engage Your Bigger Purpose

3.  See a Higher Vision

4.  Upgrade Your Mindset  & Undo the Guilt

5.  Lay Out Your Path

6.  Target Your Direction

7.  Stay the Course

Since then, I’ve dedicated my career to helping other high achieving professional women who are caring for everyone else, exhausted, and unable to achieve what is important to them attain the guilt-free professional achievement they desire using my Guilt-Free R.E.S.U.L.T.S.™ system!

What are the biggest sources of guilt people deal with when pursuing their goals?

That’s a GREAT question!  Through the work I’ve done with my clients I’ve found there to be three primary sources of guilt:

1.  Trying to conform to the standards of others whether that’s societal or cultural norms, or the expectations of well meaning friends and family. It’s so important to know what it is YOU truly want vs. always being pulled into the requirements and expectations of others.

2.  What I call the “Type A Trap” which is a very high self-imposed standard.  I’m all about setting BIG goals, but they also have to be realistic with a bit of a stretch, and take into account your particular life circumstances or season.

3.  The final source of guilt I see is not utilizing boundaries and saying no when warranted.  Sometimes saying no is not only in a person’s best interest, but also the best interest of the requester. You don’t have to say no to everything, but really look at what it is you are saying yes to. Is it something that aligns with your goals, talents, gifts, interests, and passion?  Remember, when you say yes to something you are automatically saying no to something else.

 What negative effects does this guilt have in their lives?

The two primary problems related to guilt I’ve seen in working with my clients are feelings of resentment and feeling “stuck”.  The resentments build when a person doesn’t deal with the guilt and continues to say yes to requests instead of enforcing boundaries.  This can be very damaging to relationships.  As resentment mounts, the person’s fuse gets shorter.  Bursts of anger can show up at inappropriate time’s further straining relationships.

Secondly, unchecked guilt creates feelings of paralysis, being stuck, frustrated and overwhelmed, which in turn leads to inaction.  This creates a vicious cycle back around to MORE guilt for not making progress and often continues in a downward spiral.  This only increases stress, anxiety and frustration.  This is the main issue I see with many of the clients with whom I work.  It not only increases their stress level, it also keeps them from achieving the personal and professional success they desire.

What steps do you recommend people take to overcome their guilt?

First I believe it is important to align your goals with your purpose and values. When you do that, it can make saying no easier.  Secondly, a strong and empowering mindset will also help you overcome guilt and create the confidence and focus needed to reach your goals. This is such an important piece to my system that I wrote a 50+ page guidebook to help walk people through how to do this step-by-step.

What benefits do they see when they take these steps?

Much greater clarity, focus, and confidence to move forward and achieve what you desire without sacrificing what’s most important.

Any last words of advice?

 If you’d like to learn more about my Guilt-Free R.E.S.U.L.T.S.™ System and how to use it to reach one goal in the next 30 days, I invite you to register for my complimentary Big Goals No Guilt 30 Day Challenge at www.TheGuiltFreeCoach.com.

Remember, living guilt-free is a choice and possibly the best choice you can make for yourself, your community and your family!

03/01/10 

Post by Kim Gibbs

I am constantly talking to women about guilt and have discovered three major challenges or misconceptions that many of us have regarding it.  In this post I’ll talk about the first challenge:

1 – Most of us are unaware that we should get rid of guilt.

Many of us assume that once we feel guilt, it’ll become a permanent pain in our hearts. In essence, we invite it to stay and make itself comfortable. We mistakenly see guilt as a life-long punishment that we have to endure as a consequence of our wrong-doing. The sad part of that mistaken belief is that we suffer from guilt far longer than we should.

To break free of that misconception, we need to start using guilt as it was meant to be used – as a signal, not a life sentence. Once we recognize the signal, we should change our behavior and take the proper steps to leave the guilt behind. In her book, “The Gift of Guilt”, Shannon Miller confirms this when she says that guilt is “meant to be short-lived.”

Sadly enough, I have also found far too many women who feel guilty because they don’t think they deserve any better. They think that their wrongs are too terrible to be forgiven and they should be punished for the rest of their lives.  Or that they’re worthless individuals and shouldn’t  feel any joy.   

I’m surprised at the number of women with a significant other – husband, parent or grown child –  who always makes them feel bad. This other person continually drums into their heads that they’re a bad mother, a terrible wife, and a worthless human being.  These unfortunate women believe what they’re constantly being told and they always feel guilty.  

If you’re one of these women, then you need to read this:  I don’t care what you’ve done, I don’t care how many times you’ve done it, I don’t care what awful things others are telling you – you deserve to live guilt-free.  You deserve to to have a clear conscience.  You deserve to feel the joy and happiness you were meant to feel.  If you don’t get anything else out of what I write, I want you to get this.  For the sake of your own happiness.

2/22/10

Post by Kim Gibbs

The Missoula Businesswomen’s Network held their Annual Women’s Symposium last Saturday and I was honored to be one of the breakout speakers. My topic naturally, was how to leave your guilt in the dust. For weeks I felt like an Olympic athlete, practicing and training so I would peak as a speaker at this event.

I had a ball during my session, talking and laughing with the women in attendance about the embarrassing things we’ve done in our lives and how we’ve overcome our guilt.

Of course I was all nerved up from the moment I woke up that morning until long after I went to bed that night. Needless to say, when the next day rolled around I felt groggy, tired, and totally unmotivated to do anything. So I didn’t.

Ordinarily, I would have been disgusted with myself and felt guilty for lazing so much of the day away. But not this time. I had worked hard and put a ton of mental and physical effort into my presentation. I was weary and I had every right to do nothing but rest. Guilt-free. So I did.

It’s exactly what I needed in order to recover. So please be good to yourself and know that it’s OK to take a guilt-free break when you’re tired. Quit trying to be Wonder Woman all the time and allow yourself to be Real Woman, orneriness and hormones included!