Kim Gibbs: The Guilt Guide

03/01/10 

Post by Kim Gibbs

I am constantly talking to women about guilt and have discovered three major challenges or misconceptions that many of us have regarding it.  In this post I’ll talk about the first challenge:

1 – Most of us are unaware that we should get rid of guilt.

Many of us assume that once we feel guilt, it’ll become a permanent pain in our hearts. In essence, we invite it to stay and make itself comfortable. We mistakenly see guilt as a life-long punishment that we have to endure as a consequence of our wrong-doing. The sad part of that mistaken belief is that we suffer from guilt far longer than we should.

To break free of that misconception, we need to start using guilt as it was meant to be used – as a signal, not a life sentence. Once we recognize the signal, we should change our behavior and take the proper steps to leave the guilt behind. In her book, “The Gift of Guilt”, Shannon Miller confirms this when she says that guilt is “meant to be short-lived.”

Sadly enough, I have also found far too many women who feel guilty because they don’t think they deserve any better. They think that their wrongs are too terrible to be forgiven and they should be punished for the rest of their lives.  Or that they’re worthless individuals and shouldn’t  feel any joy.   

I’m surprised at the number of women with a significant other – husband, parent or grown child –  who always makes them feel bad. This other person continually drums into their heads that they’re a bad mother, a terrible wife, and a worthless human being.  These unfortunate women believe what they’re constantly being told and they always feel guilty.  

If you’re one of these women, then you need to read this:  I don’t care what you’ve done, I don’t care how many times you’ve done it, I don’t care what awful things others are telling you – you deserve to live guilt-free.  You deserve to to have a clear conscience.  You deserve to feel the joy and happiness you were meant to feel.  If you don’t get anything else out of what I write, I want you to get this.  For the sake of your own happiness.